Barbells, Boobs, Body Image, and Balance

Let me share some numbers with you...all PRs have been achieved this week.  All "Old PRs" are my best results from my past two years at Crossfit Pacific Coast, before starting this "Sport" programming (which I have now been doing for seven weeks).

• Front Squat (Monday)
• Old PR: 110#
• New PR: 135#
• Deadlift (Monday)
• Old PR: 160#
• New PR: 200#
• Back Squat (Wednesday)
• Old PR: 145#
• New PR: 165#
• Clean (Wedesday)
• Old PR: 83#
• New PR: 105#

When I completed the Front Squat and Deadlift on Monday, I cried.  I was so proud of myself when I hit 200lbs on my deadlift because it showed I was "getting there" - I am by far the weakest person in my lifting group, but I keep trying...and hitting 200 put me one step closer to catching up to the women who are easily pulling 245lbs.

Then on Monday evening, I made the awful mistake of going swimsuit shopping...and I came home crying.

You see, I made a decision to put running on the back burner for a few months to focus on lifting.  I knew doing so would help  me become a better runner - both physically and emotionally (especially after what I went through at the Boston Marathon).  However, I have basically gone from 60 to Zero when it comes to cardio.  I'm running less than 10 miles a week, but am lifting a LOT of weight three times a week.  

I'm not getting "fat" per se, but I am building a LOT of muscle without maintaining my previous cardio levels - so while I used to have a semi - "runner's body" I now have an "I used to run, but now I lift, and my body hasn't figured out how to deal with this" body.  And that's exactly what was looking back at me in the mirror Monday evening - a body that had no idea what it wanted to look like.  Did it want to look muscular?  Did it want to look lean?  Did it want to have beautiful curves?  Well, there were no muscles, leanness or curves to be found on Monday in that dressing room, and it sucked.  

A few hours before, big numbers brought me joy, but in that moment, I had nothing "physical" to show for it.  Someone walking by me on the beach wasn't going to think I could deadlift his ass off the ground if I wanted to, those PRs had no translation to anything outside of the gym.  They suddenly became numbers on paper.

I'm writing about this not because I'm looking for sympathy or encouraging words (I really am not seeking those), but because I found myself at a crossroads where I couldn't have it all - and for us Type A Personality Women, those realizations feel like a slap to the face.  Because my body is going through a transformation, I don't have a body I love putting a dress on, alongside a body that I love for doing awesome things.   I've noticed that my bras are feeling a little more snug than they used to, my pants are a lot tighter, and some of my dresses no longer zip all the way up.  Yes, I've put on a LOT of muscle, and a little fat in the past two months.

Now onto balance.  That's what I'm going to look for.  The balance of pushing my body to do great things while being comfortable in my own skin.  It's a journey - it always is - but it's a journey that's always worthwhile.  SO even though my boobs are bigger than I'd like them to be, and my body is confused about what shape it thinks it is, I'm giving myself credit for having a significant PR on every lift I've done this week.

"Beer" Blogging - Episode 1

Blogging about beer is something I've wanted to undertake for quite a while.  There's such a sincere craft behind beer; it delivers delicious refreshment, pairs well with food, and each one is SO DIFFERENT from the next - what's not to love about beer?

So you may wonder why this is titles "Beer" Blogging.  Well, over the past year or so, I've developed a bit of a gluten sensitivity.  Yes, my beloved beer causes unsightly breakouts and bloating when drunk in moderate amounts, so instead of admitting total defeat, I decided to spin this into an opportunity.

Basically, this feels like the Quest for the Holy Grail...

Why?  Well, gluten-free (GF) beer has a bad rep in my books.  I've always viewed it as the proverbial red-headed-step-child (no offense to all the Gingers of the world) in the beer aisle.  No one really acknowledges its existence, few people give it attention, and even fewer buy it.  Most people think it's "weird"like that awkward uncle at Thanksgiving - somehow born of the same roots, yet so much not like the rest of the bunch.

So with that vision, I visited my local beer store.  There was ONE GF beer in the refrigerated section.  Because I was so set on just starting this, a six pack of New Grist came home with me...

The New Grist description is in italics, mine is not

New Grist is a one-of-a-kind beer brewed without wheat or barley: the first of its kind that can be enjoyed by those with Celiac Disease. 

Sweet - good on ya!

It is the first beer to be certified gluten-free by the US Government. 

Not sure I want the government meddling with my beer or giving it a seal of approval, but sure, I'm sure lots of people out there are cool with that.

New Grist is brewed from sorghum, rice, hops, water and yeast. These ingredients are carefully combined to form a crisp, refreshing "session ale" brewed for those on a gluten-free diet, or anyone with an appreciation for a great tasting, handmade beer.

This is where we're going to start parting ways.  While I appreciate the ability to have a cold alcoholic beverage in my hand when it's effing roasting outside, I'm not sure I have the same appreciation as you do for this "beer."  With that said, I would absolutely agree that this is an easy to drink, session-esque beverage.  Don't worry, it's miles above Zima or Smirnoff Ice in terms of a light alcoholic beverage in a beer shaped bottle.  I could easily see myself having this at the beach.

It pours a brilliant gold color, with a bubbly head and light, fruity aroma. 

I don't think I've ever poured Budweiser into a glass before, but I think Bud would look more like beer than this.  This looks a lot like a cider when poured into a glass.  Also, I couldn't find any "head" when poured.  But hey, you totally NAILED the fruity aroma!

The flavor is crisp and refreshing, fruity and smooth at the same time. Hints of green apple slice through the maltiness of the sorghum, making this an extremely quaffable beer.

I do not remember what "quaffable" means right now, but yes, this is very fruity.  I get the green apple, I even picked up on some chamomile tea-like flavors as well.  

OVERALL:

I have a hard time calling this BEER.  However, if I was to create a new category of alcoholic beverages for after work consumption, this would certainly make the list.  It's very light and sweet, but not as sweet as some ciders can get (YAY!).  So, maybe it's some weird love child of beer and cider...perhaps we can call it Bider?  As the beer warmed up a little, the "crispness" really started to fade away.  I do appreciate that it's not as carbonated as some beers get - reduced burp factor is a serious win in my book.  If I was you, I'd drink this as cold as I could, and, when it starts to warm up, add a little Sprite and make a Shandy out of it.